Continental Breakfast

Ever since technology—text messaging in particular—invaded our relationships, there’s been a lot of gray area as to what the rules are. So I decided to set the record straight once and for all. After all, sometimes love and electronics just don’t mix…

• My friend recently had plans with a guy, and he canceled on her at the last-minute… over text messaging no less. Her response was perfect! With her sense of humor and dignity in tact, she simply wrote, “Texting is for flirting, not for canceling.” Bottom line: If you need to cancel a date, well, don’t! It’s rude. (Everybody knows that.) But if you have no choice, make your mom proud by doing the right thing and picking up the phone to offer a reasonable explanation and to beg for forgiveness. Texting, emailing and IM make it very easy for us to forget that there’s a real person with real feelings on the other end of the line.
• Texting, emailing and IM are quicker than calling, which makes them very convenient. But too much convenience can be very unromantic! If someone asks you out in a text, I beg of you… please write back telling him to call you and ask you again. If he doesn’t, he doesn’t deserve you. Never accept a date over text messaging! And if it’s after midnight? Don’t get me started.
• If you want to thank a guy for a date, well, that’s very well-mannered of you. Tell him you appreciated it in person at the end of the date—and that’s it. You do not need to email him, IM him or text him the next day to tell him again. But it’s “just a text message,” you say? I don’t care. You know what that’s called? It’s called torturing yourself. Because if he doesn’t respond, you’ll assume he didn’t feel the same sparks you felt, and you’ll drive yourself crazy checking your phone for a flashing light or repeatedly pressing “send/receive” on your email.
• Are you in love with the guy you’re dating? That’s so exciting! I’m thrilled for you! But don’t you dare even consider using email or text messaging to tell him so if you’ve never said it to his face. “I love you” (or even “i luv u”… gag) is a very cute text when you’ve said it to each other—out loud—a few times before. But no sooner. Never send a text, IM or email that you wouldn’t say in person, or at least over the phone. The feeling of anonymity these forums provide can make us feel very brave. But that courage can make us say things we’ll later regret.
• Don’t drink and text! Nothing you want to say could possibly be so urgent that it can’t wait until tomorrow… when you’re sober and have thought things through. If necessary, put a friend in charge of your phone—the way you would responsibly hand over your keys—when you’re hitting the town.
• Texting, emailing and IM are not substitutes for phone calls and meeting in person. If you’ve been in touch with someone for more than a week without having heard his voice or seen his face, move on.

And by the way, moms out there: I know you want your young sons to grow up treating women respectfully. So when you gather your kids around the table for dinner tonight, be sure to tell them to do their homework, to say no to drugs and to never use text messaging for canceling a date.